Posted by Rob McNeilly admin on December 7, 2016 at 08:03am
When a 98 year old man and a 96 year old woman went to the divorce court, the judge asked why they waited until they were 98 and 96. The man replied that they thought they should do the right thing by their children and wait until they were all dead.
I've heard that one before, and I love it! This is my favourite:
A man goes up to the bar and orders 2 pints of lager, a glass of red wine, a glass of white wine, a lager shandy, a gin and tonic, three packets of crisps and two packets of peanuts. The barman asks 'Would you like a tray?' The man replies, 'Oh, no thanks, I've got enough to carry as it is'!
A man walked into a bar. You'd think he would have seen it.
A horse walked in to a bar and th barman said "Why the long face?"
Two Irishmen walked out of a bar.
I guess the barman needs to be advised that he needs to reduce his alcohol intake.
My favourite:
A guy walking through NYC"s Central Park is mugged at gunpoint. The mugger says, "Stick'em up. Your money or your life!?" The victim starts to laugh uproariously and says.."Sorry buddy, the jokes on you. I'm a social worker, I don't have either!"
Submitted by ...you guessed it, a Canadian social worker
What is the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A golfer goes WHAKKK and then says Oh SHIT
A skydiver says OH SHIT and then goes WHAKK
A young boy in a special needs school was in an art class molding some clay. The curious teacher asked the young boy what he was doing. The young boy said he had some cow manure and was making a teacher. The teacher upset, thought the young boy was regressing so he called in the Principal of the school. The Principal went over to the young boy and asked him what he was doing. The young boy answered with, " I'm molding this cow manure into a Principal." The Principal, alarmed, called in the school psychologist. The very smart psychologist went over to the young boy and said, " I know what you have and I know that you are making a psychologist." the young boy replied, "Nope, not enough cow dung."
Ken Robinson, in his 'Do schools kill creativity?' TED Talks, says something like this: "A young girl in Kindergarten is completely absorbed in her work. The teachers asks, 'What are you drawing?' 'I am drawing God.' 'But no-one knows what God looks like.' 'They soon will!' "
A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office visibly upset. He lies on the couch and says, "I just had a terrible dream. I saw a woman from behind and i knew it was my mother. But when she turned around it was not her face. It was my analyst's face. I became terrified and was up all night. Then I went into the kitchen, had a coke and came right over here. I really hope you can help me with this." The analyst considered this and then said, "a coke, that's a breakfast?"
:))