The next step is to look at the problem. Clients come with problems and, if we just keep talking about what they like to do, they're hardly going to be satisfied. So we can ask a client, “What is the problem?”
Groucho Marx was two hours late for a speaking arrangement and when asked why he was so late, he replied that on his way to the event, someone asked him how his family was so he told them.
Instead of asking “What’s the problem?”, we can ask, “What could we talk about here that would be useful? If something could happen today that would be beneficial for you, what would that be?” This is a way of asking the client about the problem that is not just asking for details about how the problem actually is, it’s a way of asking about the problem that, in the asking, helps to move the client towards a resolution.
When we ask, “What could we talk about today that would be helpful to you?” it creates the possibility of help. Saying “If we could do something that would be useful for you,” introduces the possibility of usefulness. If we ask, “If we had a conversation today that was really helpful to you that made a big difference and you said that you were okay, what would that be?” Just being present to that question introduces a direction and a possibility of the client being okay, sometimes for the first time.
What’s the problem about the problem?
Just as asking what someone likes about their likes can be so helpful, asking a client, “In what way is this problem problematic to you?” can also be very helpful in clarifying for us and for the client just what it is that we need to attend to. If someone has a problem because of a past trauma, for example, if we don’t ask, “In what way is this still problematic to you?” then we are left with the only option of treating PTSD. But, if we asked, “What part of this trauma is still worrying you or still troubling you?” then we might hear, “I get flashbacks”, “I can't sleep”, “I don’t feel good about myself”, “I've got too much pain,” or it might be, “I can't work and I feel bad about not being able to support my family.”
When we explore this second step, it helps to clarify what's missing for a client, which is going to be helpful when we go looking for it.
If someone is having a problem in trauma with flashbacks, then we’re going to be working with an experience of helping someone to resolve the past, maybe to have less attention or forget some of the trauma or to have a different response to it so that either the flashbacks stop or are less troublesome.
If someone has trouble sleeping, then we’ll be dealing with how to help someone go to sleep or stay asleep or get back to sleep or to wake up feeling refreshed.
If someone isn’t feeling good about themselves, then we’ll be working with their issues of self-esteem. If someone is feeling bad because they can't support their family, then we’ll be looking for other ways of accepting the change or exploring alternative ways of supporting the family.
Obviously, if we don’t ask for the specifics, whatever we do is likely to percolate across to all areas of this client’s life, but if we ask specifically what it is about this problem for this particular client that is problematic, that allows us to focus more effectively, more respectfully, in a shorter time, leading to a more lasting resolution and so we are going to be more helpful for this client.
Rob