“This is happening and it shouldn’t”. “I can’t do this and I should”. “I don’t want this but I can’t avoid it”. “I want this and I can’t have it”.

If we validate a client’s experience, both sides of the conflict, there can be an opportunity for the client to let go of the conflict, or at least soften its grip.

We can say “This is happening to you, and you really don’t want it to” and “You really don’t want this to happen and it is”. “You feel that you can’t do this, and you believe that you should” and “You believe that you should do this, and it seems to you that you can’t”. “You don’t want this and you don’t see a way of avoiding it” and “You don’t see a way of avoiding this and you don’t want it”. “You want this and you don’t see a way to have it”. and “You haven’t found a way of having this and you want it”.

See what happens if you try this - simply describe both sides of the conflict without offering a resolution.

Rob