Posted by Rob McNeilly admin on April 26, 2017 at 12:37pm
Thanks Angus. When we do good work, it feels good since we are contributing to another. The only difficulty arrives when we start to justify or doubt our motives. I like to do good work and leave it at that, whether it's anonymous or overt, focusing on just doing it. It can be simple or complicated ...
Given repetitive unpleasant life experiences of extended duration I have had, I feel safer under the radar and because of esteem issues I also like being under the radar and I like being extremely subtle rather than obvious, incognito so to speak. Attention of others makes me uncomfortable and attention has usually brought me painful consequences. I must admit it does makes me feel good in life as I can just pass through unnoticed helping people as I go, while being of no fixed abode. I do need implied consent for me to be comfortable with it and for my own conscious peace of mind (so it also being selfish, which in some ways confuses me). I don't like attention and although labelling things is stereotyping I have always been a common or garden variety HSP ( the acronym makes it easier to divulge) trying to survive in a very loud world. Working with no fixed abode, just passing through people allows my unconscious to see and hear things which are either imagined or real in my conscious, but tells me who is happy only at this stage. Crowds are difficult to work in as I have a fear of crowds as I was nearly crushed in one as a child and theirs to much noise and minds to listen well. Their is just too much information to understand things except superficially. I was in the public bathrooms the other day and this little boy was drying his hands using a dyson air blade dryer and I was behind him in the queue. I hate the sound of those things as I wear bilateral hearing aids but I was listening him sing singing a song which made me smile. You work that on out. Since then I have had similar experiences with some adults (not with headphones) singing to themselves and all of a sudden I can hear the lyrics in songs that for my whole life I was never able to do. Strange. Also I can now hear my heart beat which I haven t been able to do for decades. Its fun and it probably the reason, real or imagined why I don't get nervous or experience fear of death.
Do you know about Bradford Keeny? He wrote a book "Bushman Shaman" about his experiences with Kalahari Bushmen.
I think that's called ethical egoism - that when we do anything deemed 'ethical' we do so for our own gratification. however, just do good work has a different meaning to me. It means 'forget about all the theories and expectations, just work. And work well.'
I agree Jeannette, just working well, and learning how to do just that, with each individual. Thanks for your comment.
I think many people have reasoned they don't have to justify their motives to themselves or others as they don't see the need or think their motives are at worst benign. Most people do not know their unknown unknowns and that will always be a risk because they are blind to it. Fine, just work as you don't need any framework to work beside what your doing is definitely in others interests and also in your own. You don't need theories or expectations just work and work well. I think that line has been used by many through out history who were a bit like lemmings, blindly following each other over a cliff. I am cautious at this stage and evaluate things from many angles as I had 10 years while I was unwell to just study what had caused me to be unwell and erickson ian hypnosis was part of the original cause. The ends justifies the means. So I will spend some time blinking cautiously as I move forwards.
We all have our blind spots, Angus, so caution is always helpful as we learn, in my experience.
I have always believed that you do the right thing because it it the right thing to do and not for any reward or slap on the back. I thought this was called the "hedonist principle" which is the absolute opposite. So when I help people I do it anonymously, sometimes this has caused problems when I am in a group because the person helped "and the group" really wants to know who in the group would do such a gesture. It makes me nervous that someone will figure out that it was me, but I keep my mouth shut because to lay claim to it would just cause problems and expectations and people would think of you as strange and stereotype you (as I have been all my life).
Then I thought was I really doing it for no reward and I realised that it was really not the case because it made me feel good about the action and how much the person would enjoy it. I have known for many years I live vicariously through other people's happiness often to my own detriment. But its what I am addicted to and always put my immediate family's needs before my own to such an extent that sometimes I physically and mentally suffer. "but suffering is my middle name in this life". Bit of a joke really
My conclusion is I do like paying it forward even if I do get the reward of feeling good that the person I have helped anonymously will be a bit confused about why it was done by a stranger and gets them out of a whole for a period of time. And enjoying doing it is not wrong because I do get a reward out of it because i feel good because that person feels good.